twenty sixteen has not started out as my favorite year. granted, it has been full of lessons and
reminders – but not my favorite.
that happens as we grow up doesn’t it? and if you’re anything like me – and you’ve
decided that growing up will be a life long endeavor, it’s probably going to
happen more than once. as a matter of
fact, if we’re lucky (lucky…really?) it will happen a bunch of times, because
the things that are not our favorite can teach us the most about…well, about
everything.
so. 2016, not really a fan.
not 100% sure how to deal with it, definitely don’t want to be a grownup
about it, and the plans on plans on plans I had to improve it keep falling
through. why does that happen so
often? why is it that for so many of us,
the things we had planned, all of the things we dreamed come crashing down at
the worst possible time?
because we let it.
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| this could take a while... |
“write again” they said, “take more pictures” they said…well
all right, you asked for it.
for those of you that know me, you will probably agree that
I have taken a strange path to becoming “grownup”. I was 30 by the time I was 18, and then I was
21 when I was 30. I march to the beat of
my very own, very eclectic, probably ADHD drummer. however, that path has afforded me some of
the most amazing experiences I can imagine.
I have met people who have changed my life. been to places I will never forget, and had
my heart broken in ways I didn’t think I could survive. but I’m still here.
throughout the years I have been surrounded by people who
have been hyper focused. be it on money,
on success or on happiness – but I have a hard time being hyper focused on any
of those things, because I just don’t think that’s real life. I mean, go on with your five-year plan, work
your ass off in your 60+ hour workweek, or just do you…but doesn’t there have
to be some sort of balance between having it all worked out, and simply seeing
what happens regardless of how scary?
isn’t there something to be said for taking chances that could end in
any myriad of ways? (this is where my ADHD drummer starts playing way off
course).
I am incredibly lucky.
I knew what I wanted to do as a human at a very young age. I landed a wonderful job, in a place in which
friends surrounded me – and I was happy.
These days I get to do something I love each and every day, and I
realize how rare that is. I have watched
my friends grow, change, and move on – and it has been a pleasure to see their
lives evolve. But the question
remains…when is it my turn? did I miss it? did I screw it up? is my drummer on
crack?
I can look back on the first few months of 2016 and focus on
the suck. I can focus on the heartbreak, and the
negativity that surrounds the day to day.
I can focus on the plans that fell through, didn’t work out, or just
weren’t good enough. Or, stay with me
here, I can focus on how the suck is
most likely prepping me for something awesome.
How, even though my drummer is TOTALLY on crack – so what; we all make
mistakes. Because at the end of the day,
you either focus on what separates you – or you focus on what holds you
together. This is true in relationships,
it is true professionally, but most importantly – it should be true
personally.
I don’t want to be the kind of person who focuses on the
negative - I have never wanted that.
That doesn’t mean the negative doesn’t exist – it is there, full force,
but it is there for a reason. Focus on
what is good, what was good, or even just what could be good and take
chances. Trust the drummer, ADHD be
damned, and keep marching.
I am a very lucky gal being surrounded by so many people
this year that let me get a little lost, let me lose my cool, and still continued
to show me that wherever I ended up – it would be right. I am incredibly lucky knowing that because of
these people, I am reminded that I always knew how to be content, to be happy, to be
fulfilled without constantly surrounding myself with someone else. I am so lucky that as i grew up, I was supported and never
pushed to make decisions about my life based on what others wanted. That what I truly want out of life – not what others think I want, or should
want - is what makes me, ME. That
kind of freedom is scary as hell – but I am so appreciative.
These next few months will include very little of what I had
planned. They will include almost none
of what I dreamed this summer would entail – but I guarantee they will be an
adventure, filled with completely terrifying ups and downs, decisions that
could go awry, and hopefully moments that continue to remind me that this path,
is mine. stay tuned.
